For someone who has been abused at an early age, an unhealthy sense of boundaries can develop as a result. It can show up in many ways.
An abuse survivor will often have memories of a loved one (usually older) violating their trust and boundaries; and when it came time to say no they felt frozen or in some way unable to say no.
Sometimes a survivor might find themselves always worrying about what others are thinking. They track others constantly in order to guage whether or not someone they are with might suddenly want to violate their personal space. Sadly, if this space is about to be violated the tracker often allows it. It is a lose lose situation where a person is always on guard but when the time comes to act the learned action of inaction takes over, thus perpetuating the dysfunctional cycle of worrying about others while still allowing them to violate one’s self.
Another way a survivor’s boundaries can be blurred is by the desire to always be in the good graces of others, wanting to please them above one’s own needs; as learned during the initial abuse. This can impact one’s ability to show up authentically, and instead create an ability to adapt for all types of personalities in order to be able to make anyone happy. This creates obsessive compulsive traits, perfectionistic traits, and belittles one’s own life essence as less important than being approved of by others. Because of this, one might often choose to do something for another because it makes that person happy, even if it violates one’s boundaries.
These are just a few examples of the long reaching potential ways of being that can manifest, after someone’s boundaries and trust are violated during a time in their life when they are developing their way of navigating life. It is only when we can begin to see such patterns while also acknowledging our past trauma, that we can finally start rewriting our operating system and self identities to reflect what WE truly want.
Have you ever had an experience where you are stretching your body (like in yoga), or you are having a chiropractic adjustment and you suddenly feel as if an emotional dam has burst and it all pours out of you at once?
Often times just past the pain threshold or a bodily position that has felt like a wall you never push past, lies an invaluable opportunity. The chance to release stored emotion and energy that you have likely been holding on to for a long time. This type of holding on of the non-physical is the most common condition that manifests physical conditions like fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, frozen shoulder etc…
As counter intuitive as it may feel at the time of suffering, the most direct route to being free of the physical symptoms you are experiencing is to go into that pain and have an internal conversation with it. To develop a new, different way of relating to it. As opposed to regarding it as unwanted, not welcome, and inconvenient; greet it internally as a welcomed guest that you actually hold compassion for. While being welcoming and compassionate to the pain barrier you have finally physically pushed into, declare to the universe and yourself that you surrender, let go of controlling that part of your body.
When you truly surrender and let go of control in the area of your body where you are experiencing physical pain, and when you welcome it lovingly, that is when the dam will break and all the emotional poison you are holding on to that is causing the condition will pour out. Yes, this might be intense, you may cry, shake, feel fear and/anxious; that’s OK. Feel it all, acknowledge it all as it moves through you and let it go simultaneously, -don’t hold on to it any longer.
Life is not just happiness and roses. When you can embrace both sides of life your body will respond accordingly. ❤
All of these terms share several things in common with how they affect the body. Unless processed and complete, they put the body in a state of perpetual fight/flight. Which is in essence a heightened state of anxiety in order to protect the self. The drawback of being in this state constantly is that it begins to feel like your natural default state; and you can feel like something is off or wrong when you are not in it. Imagine that, feeling like something is wrong during the fleeting moments where everything is right…
The key to reversing this state of being lyes in going deep into the grief, trauma, PTSD, or emotional and psychological stress that has gripped you for so long. Rather than being numb to it all and resting in the state of protection, letting your guard down and surrendering to all the underlying causes of your fight/flight operating system. Feeling deeply into it all, internally dialoguing with it, welcoming it rather than wishing it would go away. As undesirable as this might sound, it is your never-ending-always-present access to releasing those things that hold you back.
Sometimes you have to push into the barrier of the physical issues that have manifested as an indirect result of held grief, trauma, PTSD, and emotional/psychological stress… The depth to which you are willing to feel into them isn’t as important as simply being willing to feel into them. Once you find safety in this once unknown and uncomfortable pain barrier you can begin to let go, to surrender to what is. You’ll know when you have done so, because in whatever individual way your body needs to release something it will without hesitation; it lies entirely in your own willingness to turn the controlling mind off and allow your body to do what it innately knows it needs.
You might experience a burst of emotion, muscle spasms, shaking, coughing, nervousness or anxiety, all the above or some combination of these things… it varies by the individual and also by the specific issues your body is ready to deal with at the time. This process does not present you with a table of contents and an order of operations, and that is all part of the surrendering process.