Write a list of your self limiting beliefs and for each belief, ask yourself the following questions:
The Four Questions
1. Is it true? (Y or N. If no, go to 3.)
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Y or N)
3. When you believe this thought to be true, how do you feel? How do you treat other people or experiences when you feel that way? Who do you show up as?
4. Who would you be without that belief?
Turn your belief around to the opposite, your self, and to the other.
For example, “People don’t like me.” turns around to:
• I don’t like me. (to the self)
• I don’t like people. (to the other)
• People like me. (to the opposite)
Look for instances when the turned around belief is true in your life. This allows you to feel what it would be like if you believed the opposite, and how it is the beliefs you hold on to as true that dictate whether or not you struggle in life.
For someone who has been abused at an early age, an unhealthy sense of boundaries can develop as a result. It can show up in many ways.
An abuse survivor will often have memories of a loved one (usually older) violating their trust and boundaries; and when it came time to say no they felt frozen or in some way unable to say no.
Sometimes a survivor might find themselves always worrying about what others are thinking. They track others constantly in order to guage whether or not someone they are with might suddenly want to violate their personal space. Sadly, if this space is about to be violated the tracker often allows it. It is a lose lose situation where a person is always on guard but when the time comes to act the learned action of inaction takes over, thus perpetuating the dysfunctional cycle of worrying about others while still allowing them to violate one’s self.
Another way a survivor’s boundaries can be blurred is by the desire to always be in the good graces of others, wanting to please them above one’s own needs; as learned during the initial abuse. This can impact one’s ability to show up authentically, and instead create an ability to adapt for all types of personalities in order to be able to make anyone happy. This creates obsessive compulsive traits, perfectionistic traits, and belittles one’s own life essence as less important than being approved of by others. Because of this, one might often choose to do something for another because it makes that person happy, even if it violates one’s boundaries.
These are just a few examples of the long reaching potential ways of being that can manifest, after someone’s boundaries and trust are violated during a time in their life when they are developing their way of navigating life. It is only when we can begin to see such patterns while also acknowledging our past trauma, that we can finally start rewriting our operating system and self identities to reflect what WE truly want.
Have you ever had an experience where you are stretching your body (like in yoga), or you are having a chiropractic adjustment and you suddenly feel as if an emotional dam has burst and it all pours out of you at once?
Often times just past the pain threshold or a bodily position that has felt like a wall you never push past, lies an invaluable opportunity. The chance to release stored emotion and energy that you have likely been holding on to for a long time. This type of holding on of the non-physical is the most common condition that manifests physical conditions like fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, frozen shoulder etc…
As counter intuitive as it may feel at the time of suffering, the most direct route to being free of the physical symptoms you are experiencing is to go into that pain and have an internal conversation with it. To develop a new, different way of relating to it. As opposed to regarding it as unwanted, not welcome, and inconvenient; greet it internally as a welcomed guest that you actually hold compassion for. While being welcoming and compassionate to the pain barrier you have finally physically pushed into, declare to the universe and yourself that you surrender, let go of controlling that part of your body.
When you truly surrender and let go of control in the area of your body where you are experiencing physical pain, and when you welcome it lovingly, that is when the dam will break and all the emotional poison you are holding on to that is causing the condition will pour out. Yes, this might be intense, you may cry, shake, feel fear and/anxious; that’s OK. Feel it all, acknowledge it all as it moves through you and let it go simultaneously, -don’t hold on to it any longer.
Life is not just happiness and roses. When you can embrace both sides of life your body will respond accordingly. ❤